Grab a blanket and maybe your therapist’s number, freaky little strumpets, because this week we’re checking into The Mad House by Liza James. It’s a D-A-R-K (as coined by your Minister of Moisture) sapphic romance about stepsisters Ophelia and Cedar, raised in a religious cult. Cedar escapes. Ophelia doesn’t, until her protector alter ego takes over. Add a tattoo artist by day, vigilante by night who does not do tender. We work out the book’s boob-to-bloodshed ratio and assign ourselves dominant alter egos (say hi to Carissa, Cindy, and a secretary who enforces bedtime). We also play Fuck, Marry, Yeet: Step & Cousin Edition and coin “fincest” for the official glossary. Plus: why Elisa will never, ever let Colleen get her dessert “foamy.” It’s a heavy book, and it earns at least one drip.

Lace up, freaky little strumpets, because we're going back to college and not all of us survived the reunion. This week it's The Deal by Elle Kennedy: a tutoring arrangement, a hockey captain with walls, and a slow burn Elisa loved so much she read it twice. We get into puck bunny etymology, Lindsay's highlighter-rage count on "stripper tits," Jess's 30-second frat boy, and a lick that somehow ends in a cannibalism rabbit hole. We also hold a very honest vote on the Prime Video adaptation. Grab your drink, get comfortable, and meet us Between the Folds.